It’s three in the morning and my soul fills stirred, like there is a fire bubbling up inside of me. I take a deep breath and a sob escapes my lips, I put my hand over my mouth and silently cry into my sheets, my body shakes with each silent sob. I pray that my angel dad will wrap his arms around us all and cocoon us in peace. A song he use to sing comes into my mind. I come to the Garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses. And the voice I hear falling on my ear, the son of God discloses, and he walks with me and he talks with me and tells me I am his own, and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.
I hate seeing those I love suffer. I used to see this as a sign of weakness. Crying. A lack of faith. A giving in that the thing I’m sad about can’t be made better. That It wasn’t ok to feel sad and pain because then I’m showing a lack of faith in God’s plan, but I don’t feel that way anymore. In the Bible it says And Jesus wept. He knew all that would transpire, he had an absolute belief in God, he knew those he would bring back to life or create miracles for and still he took the time to mourn with those who mourned and comfort those who needed comfort. Its taken me a long time to know that it’s ok to cry. It’s not a lack of faith that things won’t just be what they are to be. It’s loving, and caring, and standing in a space of caring with those you love. The feeling of sad doesn’t last forever. It makes way for feelings of joy, or anger or a variety of other feelings, but allowing sad is ok too. Allowing yourself to feel, process, and release all emotions is ok. Difficult emotions are not our enemy, they are a practice in releasing, letting go. When you express these feelings to others for some reason they are uncomfortable with those feelings you express, as I myself have always been. We want to tell them to have more faith or toughen up when others are experiencing feelings of sad or anger or empty. We see it as weak and self pity. We try to fix it. Rather then just allow it.
Jennifer Chrisman says “When we fight against emotional pain, we get trapped in it. Difficult emotions become destructive and break down the mind, body, and spirit. Feelings get stuck, frozen in time, and we get stuck in them.”
It’s ok to feel those feelings and get them out. Western culture is uncomfortable with this idea of letting emotions out. Let them be uncomfortable. It’s not weakness or a loss of faith that miracles can occur or that all things have order and a plan. It’s standing in a space to say to another... I feel your pain, and I’m here with arms wide open to walk through it with you.
So if you are hurting, in pain, anger, joy, whatever you are feeling, I will stand in that space with you! I will respect where you are, and support you in going on your journey. You deserve the space to feel what you need to feel. I support you.